Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I grew up on a dirt road, in a little house surrounded by fields and pastures. On one side, a horse named Dusty lived happily for many years. We had cats, lots of them, who were mostly feral but liked my mom, if no one else. We always had a dog, too. On our front porch, a swing hung from the slatted wooden ceiling. Many days were spent there, just watching life go by. The little elementary school I attended from kindergarten to fifth grade was less than a quarter of a mile away, and the little place my mom worked was about twice that. All in all, my world was pretty damn small back then, But it was good, simple, uncomplicated. I remember picking blackberries one summer, all along the tree line where the briars grew. We picked so many of the wild, juicy berries that we had enough to make jam. I don't know if you've ever made jam, but it takes a LOT of berries.The same year our peach trees bore a ridiculous amount of fruit, and we made jam from that, too. I want my kids to appreciate that kind of glorious simplicity, to be innocent of the crazy world outside that never slows down, never sits on the porch to appreciate the life lived. Our blueberry bushes are full of not-quite-ripe berries. In a couple of weeks, we're making jam.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
FOR TODAY January 24, 2011
Outside my window...the air is crisp and cold, and there is frost on the ground.
I am thinking... about going back to work Wednesday. I've been off for 9 days due to a studio remodel, paid of course. I've enjoyed it.
I am thankful for... the opportunity to change my life. You can't ever start over, but you can change direction right now. That's what I'm doing,
From the learning rooms... playing catch-up, as always.
From the kitchen...leftover chili mac from last night.
I am wearing...pajama pants and a very comfortable shirt.
I am creating... a plan as usual. This time for my life.
I am going...to stay home today.
I am reading... The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub, and various dream books.
I am hoping... to get myself/family/house back under some semblance of control.
I am hearing... a video game from the den.
I am praying... for guidance. I'm listening Lord.
Around the house... a jigsaw puzzle on the dining room table, 2 new chairs in the den that the kids are loving, a lego table in the living room that needs to be delivered to a friend.
One of my favorite things... epiphanies.
A few plans for the rest of the week: start using my control journal again, cook dinner every night, book the beach house for May.
Here is picture thought I am sharing...
Sunday, January 23, 2011
It's been a long time since I've posted here. Life has taken me down some rather strange roads since May of 2009. I've made new friends, started a full time job, spent 8 months being separated from my husband, lost myself in a depression that lasted way longer than I thought, witnessed tragedies that rip families apart, experienced things I never anticipated. I was lost for a while...I'm working my way back to me. I'm still homeschooling the kids, although it is very challenging now that I'm working. I've learned that #3 likely has Asperger's Syndrome, and have waited many months for a proper evaluation and diagnosis. In a few weeks we will finally get that (hopefully).
All in all, this has been the most challenging time of my life. I read through all my posts here the other day, astounded at the happiness this woman in Mommyville seemed to be so full of. Where did she go? What happened to that joy? Was it real? I don't know. I just know I was a better mom back then, and I'm sure a better wife. I was also pretty self-deluded. So here I am, more aware of who I am. I'm finding my way back to happiness and joy. But I'm making sure I take myself along for the ride this time. I'm not sitting on the porch watching everyone else live their dreams. I'm defining my own dreams, and making them happen.